Say It OUT LOUD (this is changing my life)

Yesterday, I bought five cabinets that I didn’t exactly “need.”

I did that because they were on Facebook Marketplace for a mere $5 each, and I thought they would work in our shed.

See, our shed has been, for 7 months, basically a big mess that we all kept trying to organize and reorganize– but it was basically just random bins tossed on top of one another, and a few trash cans full of random gardening tools and sports equipment. Junky bits from the last 5-6 places we’ve lived –legos, lug nuts, used spray paint cans– abounded.

So this morning, our work was cut out for us. For several hours, Silas (my 14 year old, who is increasingly doing full-man jobs inside and outside the home) and I organized the back shed.

{Why we chose a July day in the Texas summer heat to do this, makes no sense, except that I bought the cabinets yesterday. I got us into this, and so it had to be done. Mercifully, our yard is very, very shady.}

And it turned out… WONDERFUL:

I wish I had a “before” photo, but, trust me, this is SO much better.

Now it looks and functions like a proper shed– useful for whatever projects or needs we can bring its way!

We encountered both the living and the dead in our clean-out:

Once I was in the shower to wash off the muck and sweat, I did what I’ve done in countless other situations lately:

I said the truth out loud.

Right there, in the empty bathroom, speaking only to myself:

“That felt so good, to work alongside Silas. To be outside and get things done. To throw out old stuff we don’t need and don’t want to be responsible for anymore. And it looks so great and functional. It’s gonna be nice to know where everything is.”

It can feel kind of silly, and a little bit dense– like stating the obvious– but it’s changing my life.

It’s no exaggeration to tell you that it’s changing my life; it really is. I can feel the mental transformation in many areas. I think this habit started with a recommendation from Joshua Becker, in his book about minimalism, but I can’t say that with confidence.

Anyway, the last 6 months or so, I’ve been doing it regularly. Here are some of the true things I’ve said out loud to myself (and occasionally to Doug or someone else):3

• I’m putting this in my mouth and eating it even though my body doesn’t need it and even though I have been trying to lose weight. I don’t know why I’m eating this except I just want to.
• He’s having a rough time lately for some reason. We probably need to look for ways to love on him and show him more affection.
• This shirt doesn’t fit me right. I keep trying it on but quickly take it off every time, and I never end up wearing it. I should give it away.
• She’s not a trustworthy friend for me right now. It’s OK to not pursue her more frequently.
• Everyone walks weird when we get to this spot on the porch. Even though the pew is cute, we should move it somewhere else or sell it, because it makes the walkway feel awkward.
• That was a weird conversation and it made me feel _________. It seemed like she was mad after I mentioned __________. That wasn’t my imagination. That really happened, and it’s not a healthy way of interacting.
• It’s OK to play a game of Spades online right now. I worked all morning and this is an OK way to chill out for a few minutes. I want to play one tournament round, and I will.

Recently it happened to me in prayer. A question I’d sort of been pondering for a long time, about an unbelieving person I love, gurgled up out of my mouth. And I realized once it came out in clear, specific words–

THIS is a true question that reflects my heart. THIS is the crux of what I’m struggling with.

By saying it out loud, I was able to hear what was actually going on in my heart, and talk it through with Doug and our pastors. And that process has been so helpful for me!

By acknowledging the real question lurking in my core, and struggling through tears to put it to specific words, I’ve been able to dig more– theologically and intellectually– into something that matters a great deal to me.

MAYBE YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

Maybe everyone does this? I don’t know. Maybe it’s really not revolutionary to you, but it has been to me.

In case you’re still interested, I’ll share a little more–

A TIME WE “SAID IT OUT LOUD”

Looking back several years now, one of the biggest changes of our lives came because we finally said things out loud that we’d had whispering in our hearts, but hadn’t fully put words to:

* “Things are happening that are not in line with what has been said, and while we can’t figure out who is pulling the strings or what the motive is, we can’t stay and give the appearance that everything is upright and honorable because that would be contributing to a lie.”

* “We are responsible for which Christian community we raise our children in, and which people we point them toward as admirable. We are also responsible for which Christian community we choose to commit to, for the sake of our own souls. We only get one life.”

* “If we were to stay even one more day, we would be giving a wicked man (and possibly, wicked men?) the appearance of our approval.”

Once we had that conversation, said those things out loud, and realized we both believed we were saying what was true, our lives changed very rapidly.

And we have never regretted that decision.

It was a decision for the good: to walk in the light. To live in the truth. To have integrity in our souls.

…but back to saying it out loud:

WHY SAY IT OUT LOUD?

Because there is something that changes inside my mind and heart, when I hear myself say the thing that’s true out loud, in specific words.

It’s not always as life-changing as our wake-up call about that church situation, but no matter what it is, it — in some small way, at least– saying the truth out loud forces you to deal with reality.

Underneath the truths spoken aloud, I have started to realize things like:

ABOUT EATING–

• I am, often, eating things above and beyond what my body needs. I don’t have to punish myself for it, but I want to reckon with reality. So I keep saying it out loud, so I will know what’s true. Then I see/hear how often I’m doing it, and am giving myself the opportunity to make decisions in light of what’s true.
• I want NOT to lie to myself, or open myself up to believing things like, “I don’t know how this is happening” or “this must simply be due to those 40’s hormones…”

ABOUT POSSESSIONS–

• I really don’t want to be responsible for things we’re not actively using. Only having the things we truly use frees me to engage more with what we do have.
• It’s OK to let something go, by giving it away or throwing it away, even if there is still some “potential” usefulness.
• I am happier, and more able to cheerfully invite others in, when it takes less time to tidy up our home.

ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS IN MY LIFE–

• It’s OK to have less quantity of friends, if the friends I have are wise and trustworthy, and if the friendships we have are better able to abide in the truth, persist through life’s changes, and handle big questions.
• Saying what’s true about my sexual relationship with my husband, to myself, and to him, helps us both engage in truth (and always makes things better for us both in the long run!!) in that area.
• As my children grow toward adulthood, I want for them to be able to interact with me and with the world in ways that reflect how they actually believe and wish to live. I do not want to control them or make them “perform” or look a certain way. It is actually BETTER for them in the long run, if they interact honestly before God and with men, without me overlaying my lifestyle template (convictions, personal preferences, etc.) over them.
• If my child does not believe in God, I do not want them to pretend. My real desire is for them to have truth in the inward places, and I trust that God can communicate truth to them, and that Jesus will seek out every sheep that is His.

And, ABOUT YARD WORK– 🙂

• It feels great to work alongside my son, see him doing man stuff, have the opportunity to talk with him, and make this memory together.
• It feels great to have a tidy shed where we know what’s in it and can use it for our real lives.

• 

• 

By saying those seemingly-obvious things out loud,
(and sometimes scary things that are true but hard to say),

I am working to drive the truth of life deeper into my heart and thinking.
I want to be changed by it. Formed by the truth.

More than ever before in my life, I believe this:

At the end of my life, it won’t matter if my life looks good, or if I’ve gotten “in” with the ‘right people.’

What matters is if I walk in the truth. I want to walk in full integrity in my heart. To tell myself the truth even when it’s uncomfortable or will change up my life.

So today, in the shower, I told myself the truth in hopes that it will form my future decisions– that I will be quicker to set my phone down and interact with my son, my yard, our shed, or projects that need doing. Not out of duty or for appearances, but because there is tangible, true value in making that decision.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

• Would you (do you?) ‘tell yourself the truth’ like this?

• How can we work to become people who are willing to wrestle with the difficulty of uncomfortable truths?