Sometimes I want to be selfish. I like having things go my way. I like being in control and I don’t like it when things happen that are
- A- outside of my control, or
- B- directly the opposite of what I would want to happen.
Sometimes I want to sit in my room and pout and hide from all the noise and chaos.
Sometimes I want to hide away rather than be in public and have someone ask me how I’m doing (“do you really want to know?”).
Sometimes I want NOT to read my Bible.
Sometimes I want to throw a pity party and have a navel-gazing session where I think of all the reasons why I have it harder than anyone else.
Sometimes I want to stew in anger.
Sometimes I want to feed my bitterness rather than forgive.
Sometimes I want to tell a complaining woman that even though my husband is a pastor, it doesn’t mean he’s perfect and sometimes I feel disappointment like she does.
Sometimes I deliberately choose to reach for my phone rather than my Bible.
Sometimes I feel like sitting around in my pajamas.
Sometimes I don’t want to get up to give the much-needed spanking.
Sometimes I don’t want to cook the meal listed on the meal plan.
Sometimes I’d rather sleep in even if other things suffer.
Sometimes I don’t want to clean a single. ever-lovin. thing.
Sometimes I’d rather think ugly, critical thoughts in my heart rather than believing the best about someone.
Sometimes I don’t want to read aloud even though I think it’s important.
Sometimes I want to grump and complain rather than “count it all joy.”
And all too often, I give in to these “wants.”
I’m thankful that even in those times:
- I am precious in the sight of God.
- I am justified and God sees me hidden in the righteousness of Christ.
- I am loved and part of God’s chosen people.
- I can rest and not “DO” out of an attempt to earn my salvation or God’s favor.
- I am not “less” than I am in my moments of godliness.
I am also thankful that in those moments, I can count on:
- God’s grace to help me choose the good that I don’t (in my flesh) want
- God’s Word to come to mind from the Holy Spirit at work within me
- God’s conviction to break through the strength and noise of my selfish will
- God’s people to come alongside me and be the “hands and feet” of Christ to me
- God’s previously-begun work to be completed in me
I am thankful that my confidence isn’t in ME. Right in the very moment when I am weak and unfaithful, He is strong and faithful.