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The Soothing, Sorrowful, Sweet Song of Extended Family

Posted on December 19, 2023December 19, 2023 by Jess Connell

Amongst the embroidery and cut glass and old craft projects and photos of the dead and the long-dead, the pain comes. Embedded in these roads and walls are the pain of loss and error. Failures flood the mind, and while the heart leaps at seeing our beloveds, the leaps share dance steps with lurches. Joy is enmeshed with sorrows.

This is family. The greatest of joys bedded beside whispered sorrows.

The brother no one has seen in a decade. The divorce that still haunts. The ghosts of past hurts and disappointments are more terrifying to face than would be if they were real ghosts.

The cup of joy and sorrow is so deep and hard to drink.

One’s heart must either enlarge, or shrink. To enter in to the joys, the sorrows must also be welcomed, or if not welcomed, processed. Acknowledged. Digested.

The one thing you must not to is ignore it, lest your heart shrink and your wisdom stagnate.

Traveling old roads makes the heart age, and ache.

NOTE: I wrote this in October 2017, at a relative’s home, when we took a road trip back to see family after many years living away from “home.” The reminders of how good it feels to be hugged by people who know you and genuinely care, the familiarity of beautiful old family things, the pangs of all the “what-could-have-beens,” the sudden memories of so many uneditable sorrows– these converged and clanged like a gong in my ears. I sat at her breakfast nook full of emotion, scribbled out these thoughts, and would like to share them with you now.

Blessings to each of you as you enjoy time with extended family during the holidays. ~Grace and Peace, Jess

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