We’ve been in this position before.
Almost 17 years ago, Doug & I left our former life in the expensive D.C. area, with our 5-week-old in tow, certain that we wanted for me to be the one to stay home, but with no other plan other than a 1-bedroom apartment that we’d called ahead and reserved.
We didn’t know how God would provide for us, and yet He did. First, with steady work for my husband at Kohl’s. Then, with the office-appropriate clothes we were able to afford with his discount, he made it to an interview where he was hired for good work that sustained our family for 2 years.
Another time, 12 years ago when we lived abroad, my husband collapsed in a country with poor medical care. After coming back to the U.S. for testing, we waited through 7 months of what we called “limbo.” God gave us a place to live and an encouraging time with our church family while we waited and prepared for the next place we would live.
Right now, after 5 years in pastoral ministry in Washington, we’re in Texas for a short-term self-chosen sabbatical– a time of (relative) rest as we pray and search to discover where God means for us to be next.
My husband is working. Our family has a place to live. But neither is a permanent solution.
(reminder to myself, and maybe you too: Only dying to be with Christ in Heaven is a permanent solution. Everything else is temporary, even if it seems nice and cushy and reliable.)
So we’re in a time of waiting for what’s next.
- SEMINARY? He’s been accepted, but in this season of our family’s life (our oldest is nearly 17), we’re not sure it’s the right step to move to a new place for 2-3 years of full-time classwork.
- PASTORAL MINISTRY? Maybe… resumes are out, and some are in process, but so far, God has not opened that door.
- TEXAS? Could be. Family is here. Friends are here. We’re not sure, though… this wasn’t where we anticipated being.
- WASHINGTON? We’d love that, but it’s an expensive place to live, and ministry positions are scarce.
- SOME OTHER PLACE? Doug’s got a lot of resumes out, so that’s a possibility too.
As a wife, especially once we become mothers, we long for security. Stability can seem paramount. Limbo can seem like the worst possible thing.
So uncertainty FEELS like limbo.
And yet– I’m telling you as I’m telling myself– it’s not.
For the Christian, limbo isn’t limbo.
EVEN WHEN we have 9 kids.
EVEN IF it doesn’t make sense to others.
EVEN THOUGH you don’t have clarity about what’s next.
Our Good Shepherd isn’t holding out a little longer in this spot, hoping to come across a field that can sustain this little family of sheep. He knows how long we’ll be here, and He already knows the place where He will lead us. He already knows the next spot.
He will provide food and water enough.
He always has.
Here, in the place that feels like limbo, I’m choosing to look with confidence to the one who made our bodies and gave us our lives– the Shepherd of our souls.
It’s tempting to do otherwise.
- To despair,
- to doubt,
- to be depressed, demoralized, hopeless…
- to desperately clamor for THE answer, NOW.
Instead, as my husband reminded me in his final sermon in Washington,
My Lord calls me to trust, like the child in Psalm 131…
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up;
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.
But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
like a weaned child is my soul within me.
O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time forth and forevermore.
The child described in that Psalm is not a newborn — the weaned child is old enough to know, “Mama takes care of me and meets my needs. I can trust her to take care of the big things. I can trust her.”
This Psalm 131 child of God is old enough to know:
My Lord provides for me.
I can be quiet, rather than clamor.
I can keep my eyes here on the daily things, cause He has the big picture under control.
I can quiet my soul, rather than churning with worry.
He’s big. He’s capable. He’s trustworthy.
I can hope in Him.
Praying this will encourage and steady others, as I calm and quiet my own soul, here in Texas, living each day in the limbo that really isn’t limbo.
~Jess
I absolutely love your posts!! So happy to hear about your family! Praying for you in transition.💗
That blessed my heart. Well written, and explains that time of transition so well.
Debbie- your constant example and encouragement of Doug and Jess are an inspiration- what a blessing they have you guys.
Jess – your words are a total gift. And yes, oh, my friend, how well I know this season. The desire to press ahead and demand an answer, the temptation to panic and worry and “churn.” You guys are, and have been for so many years- such an inspiration to me in my parenting and walk with the Lord. Thank you for the reminder, that He holds us, even (especially?) in the limbo (not limbo). Prayers for your next step in the journey.
As we have lived in transition, or “limbo” for much of our married lives so far, and as we wait and wonder about answers or admit to others that we just don’t know the answers, this is a wonderful reminder. Thank you for this encouragement pointing me and others to God’s care and provision. Seeking to be like a small weaned child today and in the waiting.
This is just what my daughter in law needs to read so I will share. Thank you.
So good to remember this! Thank you for sharing your heart. We love and miss y’all.
Lori Anderson
It’s amazing to me, with how infrequently you post, that this happened to be posted yesterday.
Our family (My husband and I, a 17 month old, and one on the way) have been in limbo for some time now, but Monday was a big day for us. A door closed that was very painful for me because I had imagined, dreamed, and hoped for years at this point that that would be the direction our family would go, and it was time to let that dream die.
Not only that, but at our ladies’ Bible study yesterday morning, a friend shared that her husband (the assistant pastor at our church) was losing his job because his position isn’t going to be needed anymore, and so their family is also moving out into the unknown.
So this post is strikingly relevant for the both of us, AND was posted the day we shared and cried together.
Wow, isn’t God amazing to line all that timing up?!
It is hard, when we look at the circumstances, not to be overwhelmed with sadness, dejection, discouragement….
but when we look to our GOD, everything can truly be at rest and at peace in ways that pass understanding.
As a pastor’s wife I can relate on so many levels. Just had a door open after a three sabatical.
Jess, which seminary are you considering? I have been reading your blog for pretty much 12 years (when you had 3 kids!). I’ve commented here and there though the years, but not recently. Anyway, my husband and I moved to Louisville Kentucky for seminary 9 years ago and still live in the area, so I was just going to say, if it’s here you’re looking into, I’d be happy to help provide information or connections you might need as you explore the idea. No pressure, of course! That’s a big decision, and with 9 kids to consider in the process, I’m sure it’s alot to think and pray through. But if you are considering SBTS, I’d be happy to help any way I can.
We looked at SBTS… but MBTS is closer to home for us. That’s the one we’re looking most closely at, and where he’s been accepted.
Thanks, Allison, for your interest and willingness to help!
Glad to see you are posting sometimes again. Thank you for all the biblical advice you have written for us younger moms, it has been such a help and encouragement to me. I have godly older women I can and do ask advice from when I need it, and your posts , for the most part (and in all essential areas) line up with what they say. So, theoretically,I could just read your blog or just ask them, and not both, but so often you provide the practical examples and situations of how life really is with little kids (my boys are 3 and 1, with another baby coming) that I think my friends don’t have fresh in their minds as their children are mostly grown. Thank you for faithfully loving and teaching your children and showing us how to do the same. I appreciate it.
And I forgot to say, we are sort of in limbo now too, with my husband studying rather than working, and not quite sure where we will be next (some direction, but no details), so this post is timely.
This is encouraging to hear; thank you!! God is so kind to use a mess of a gal like me to build up His Kingdom.