Mom Exhaustion Doesn’t Have to Steal Your Vision

 

Over the last year, I didn’t realize what was happening, but looking back, I was fighting a combination of fatigue and laziness. Though I still cared immensely about how our kids turn out, getting off the couch very often felt like too great a burden to ask. Being mentally engaged and physically active throughout each day with my kids felt monumental.

Basically, I was facing classic mom exhaustion.

There were plenty of excuses/reasons, but I felt burned-out.

So I shut everything off and quit writing for a while. We got outside and hiked a lot. As the summer wore on, and the pressures lifted, I realized a pivotal piece of the puzzle:

“I need to redouble my commitment to my home.”

Somewhere along the way, I’d grown weary. Instead of me purposefully steering the ship, with my mind on the destination, things were simply drifting.

THE STRUGGLE OF PERSEVERANCE AS A MOM

I’ve realized that as a large-family mom, it’s easy, once a few kids start getting older, to feel like we’re doing OK, things are going along well, our family’s in a groove, we have our way of doing things (mostly) figured out, etc…

…but then I remember all the intentionality I poured into the big kids, and realize:

These younger ones (including my baby in utero!) NEED THAT SAME DEEP-ROOTED COMMITMENT FROM ME.

They won’t have the “same” childhood as the bigger ones did, but they still need ME to be committed to THEIR childhood & not just let them coast along, floating along on the barely-rippling wake of my once-intentional parenting. What I did, purposefully, with my 4-year-old Ethan, 10 years ago, doesn’t (by osmosis) travel over to my 3-year-old Theo now. The consistent, loving, and vision-focused discipline I had with my 18-month-old Moses, 5 years ago, doesn’t automatically transfer over to my 18-month old Luke now.

The kids in front of me NOW need my:

• affection and smiles,
• firm and consistent discipline,
• presence,
• playfulness,
• watchfulness to notice what they’re doing
• careful attention to what they’re taking in each day
• purposeful teaching and training about what they SHOULD do (not just what they *shouldn’t* do)

My older ones have received these basics many times over… my littler ones? Not so much.

It is so EASY to think “I’ve done this before.” (And I have!)

But not with THIS child. Nor THIS one. Nor THAT one.

I can’t slack off now… though it’s tempting. I’m tired, and it seems like things are “fine”… but each child God sends us is a little treasure entrusted to my care. Each one represents a new re-upping of my mommy contract.

So I must be a faithful steward of each soul, personality, mind, and heart.

Though I’m older now,
though I’m more tired than I used to be,
though it seems like I’ve already done this,
though it feels like more than I can handle,

My God has given these children into my care.

He is faithful.
He is trustworthy.
He does all things well.
He has put this soul-work before me.

My God has given these children into my care.

When I want to give in to fatigue,
when I want to throw my hands up in the air,
when I want to run away and greedily grab a few moments’ peace,
when I want to give myself permission to slack off,

My God has given these children into my care.

The Blessed Controller of All Things has plans that are better than mine.
The Blessed Controller of All Things can be trusted with my weary body.
The Blessed Controller of All Things can be trusted with my children.
The Blessed Controller of All Things can be trusted.

My God has given these children into my care.

 

Do you remember the vision you had for your child when he/she was born? Can you recall your high hopes and the zeal to which you aspired?

I remember. And here’s what I’ve learned in a fresh way this summer:

When I am exhausted, I do not have to give in to half-hearted mothering. I don’t have to cave to cynicism. 

INSTEAD, I can remind myself of TRUTH. 

 

Can I encourage you not to give in to cynicism? Can I pull you back toward that purposeful vision you once had? You don’t have to give up! You don’t have to give in!

Mommy exhaustion doesn’t have to define you.

GET BACK TO THE BIG-PICTURE VISION

When I am soul-weary, body-spent, groaning, aching under the weight of carrying these sinful, adorable, sticky-fingered, sneaky, delightful, rotten, hilarious little people through each and every day… my mind needs to be feeding on the big-picture realities.

• I need to remember who God is.
• I need to remember who I am, and what my role is. 
• I need to remember that life is SHORT.

 

WHO IS GOD?

This is where our knowledge of Him is so critical. We must know Him beyond the upbeat, feel-good songs on Christian radio. We must know Him beyond our experiences and feelings. We must know Him beyond the trite teachings of wide-grinned TV preachers. We must know Him beyond reciting a cherry-picked verse here or there.

Even good theology must be backed up by a personal KNOWING of Him– through the Word, and through the faith He produces in the fires and trials of life.

In His Word, He tells us who He is… and these are some truths that are relevant for me, here, in this place of potentially-perpetual-mom-exhaustion:

• He is good.
• He is faithful.
• He is sovereign over all things.
• He sees everything about me.
• He abounds in love.
• He knows all the deepest needs and hurts of my heart.
• He wisely, completely determined the boundary places of my life (when I would live, where I would live) and of everyone on earth.
• He will strengthen and enable me to DO what He ASKS me to do.
• He will never leave me or forsake me.

 

SO WHO AM I? WHAT IS MY ROLE?

Even when I am weary, I am not only my weariness. I do not have to be mastered by exhaustion. My role is that of a steward. As a mother, I am a steward of precious, eternal souls.

When paired with our knowledge of God (He knows me better than I know myself! He knows every concern of my heart! He knows that I am dust!), this can produce great confidence. He knows who I am, and yet He has given me this work to do!!!

God has entrusted me… tired, limited me… with the nurturing of these lively, sinful, curious, exhausting, wonderful, image-bearing SOULS. 

Though these years FEEL long, they are not. These tired-mommy years are part of the dot of my life, and I’m living for the line.

The line will go on forever. The dot is just for a season. These years are only part of my dot.

They are, of course, an important part of my “dot.” We don’t want to make the mistake of minimizing the significance of this work! If God allows me to live to see it, these years will reap fruit of blessing, or fruit of sorrow, in the decades to come.

These years of mothering will keep echoing out into the rest of my “dot.”

But, prayerfully, by God’s grace, it won’t just stop there: these years of mothering can also echo out into all of eternity!

So then, my real desire in the here and now is not *really* to have some “me-time;” it’s not *really* to run away and greedily grab for quiet and solitude. My real goal– the central desire of my heart– is twofold:

• eternal GLORY to God, through the lives of the children we are raising
• eternal JOY for myself and these children, as we all learn to live for the line

When I remember this, I can fight off mommy exhaustion, and replace it with a big, tired, determined grin of delight.

When done in faith, God will use all of this– the hand-wiping, the bottom-wiping, the tear-wiping– for everlasting and imperishable things!

Therefore we do not become discouraged [spiritless, disappointed, or afraid]. Though our outer self is [progressively] wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day by day. For our momentary, light distress [this passing trouble] is producing for us an eternal weight of glory [a fullness] beyond all measure [surpassing all comparisons, a transcendent splendor and an endless blessedness]! So we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are unseen; for the things which are visible are temporal [just brief and fleeting], but the things which are invisible are everlasting and imperishable. ~2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 

So HOW do you fight the good fight against mommy exhaustion? HOW do you keep your eyes set on purposeful motherhood, even when you are weary?

• Remember who HE is.
• Remember your role as a steward–keep your eyes on the work He’s put in front of you to do.
• And remember how short this life really is.

 

We don’t have to be perfect, but we do need to be faithful in the ways that we are able.

Each day, each hour, each minute presents a new choice:

WILL WE CAREFULLY STEWARD these precious little people– their minds, bodies, hearts, and souls?

PRAISE GOD– He will help us to be the faithful mamas our kids need.

 

IN THE COMMENTS, PLEASE SHARE:

• Do you feel like you’re losing your vision, under the weight of mommy exhaustion?
• What big-picture truth do you *most* need to remember today?