VIDEO: Things People Say to Pregnant Women

Things People Say to Pregnant Women (and what we can tell ourselves) // jessconnell.com

People say crazy things to pregnant ladies. But it doesn’t mean we have to take those comments in to the deep places of our heart.

We talked about one of those, last week: “Your Daughter Needs a Sister!” (an Acceptable Christian Lie). One commenter shared how the classic comment, “it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s healthy,” can be hurtful for the mother who knows her child will come out with some sort of disability or physical challenge.

Of course, most people *aren’t* thinking when they make these chit-chatty comments. But then moms are left thinking about the comments we’ve received.

What do we do with them? How should we think about them?

Here’s how I address & think about weird comments I get during pregnancy.

Video outline:

  • 1:40- What should be our response to strangers who make comments?
  • 2:30- What really matters, and what we SHOULD focus on, when someone makes a comment to us
  • 3:10- How I dealt with one of the rudest comments we’ve ever gotten
  • 4:00- What I think about the classic comment: “as long as the baby’s healthy”
  • 5:20- What comes out of our mouths to pregnant women?
  • 5:40- What does it mean to counsel our own hearts, with biblical truth?
  • 6:20- The reminder I give myself at the end of every pregnancy
  • 7:50- Biblical truth pregnant women can rely on, no matter who God sends to join our family

 

READ the article mentioned in the video:  “Your Daughter Needs a Sister!” (an Acceptable Christian Lie)

 

To hear more of my thoughts about Fisher Barnabas & our thoughts about whether or not we’ll have more kids, check out this video: 2 DAYS POSTPARTUM: WILL WE HAVE MORE CHILDREN?

 

IN THE COMMENTS: How do you think about and process the comments you get at vulnerable times, like during pregnancy?

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Jess Connell

Jesus-follower, Happy wife, Mom of 8 neat people. Former world-traveler, now settled in Washington. Host of Mom On Purpose podcast (momonpurpose.com). I write and wrangle kids.

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7 Responses

  1. Catie says:

    Loved this. :) One thing that I’ve been told for every. single. pregnancy. is how HUGE I look. That is not usually something I want to hear. At first, I would just sort of smile and nod, but now I punch people in the face. Kidding. I just really want to.

    That said, I like what you said about not needing to be people’s “corrector.” It really isn’t our job. Our job, like you said, is to make sure our children know *our* heart and perspective.

    Great video! Hope all is going well with your sweet new one! Can’t wait to have my own newborn to snuggle! <3

    • Jess Connell says:

      Yes. This is the ONLY pregnancy I’ve ever had where people were saying, “you look good! You don’t look that far along.” Normally people are like, “you look bigger; are you sure you’re not farther along? Are you sure you’re not having twins?” LOL

      THANKS folks. 😉 I can identify with wanting tp punch people in the face.

      • Catie says:

        HAHAHA! If I had a quarter for every time someone asked me if I wasn’t SURE I was having twins!! It’s a *little* different when it’s your close friends or family (but not that different), but I had some random guy at the post office literally BULGE his eyes out and ask me several times if I was SURE it wasn’t twins for my last pregnancy. For reals. WHO does that!? *sob*

        I’m sure I’ve said the wrong thing time or two. Ok. I absolutely have. So I *do* try to show grace as much as possible, but I have very little grace for random men who tell me I’m fat.

  2. Katie says:

    I know how you feel! My first pregnancy was triplet girls, and from the moment I began to show even to years after their birth (they’re 5 now), complete strangers will stop me anywhere I’m out with them to ask HOW THEY WERE CONCEIVED. Which completely floored me the first several dozen times it happened when I was pregnant for the first time. Now, our triplets were a complete shock to us- we didn’t go through IVF or anything like that. So those questions, while very awkward and none of those hundreds of strangers’ business in the grocery store, the parking lot, the playground, the library, etc., aren’t at all hurtful. (Although I’ve grown impatient many times and wished I had the gall to shock them by giving too graphic a response, which my gentle Southern upbringing never has allowed). But I know people who have experienced infertility who would be very hurt by strangers questioning them in such a way.

    Why do people no longer respect the privacy of those around them?

    And I mentioned the triplets are girls, right? Which means we also were bombarded for a few years with sympathy for their dad and other nonsense. Again, just annoying when I was pregnant or the girls were too young to understand, but makes me angry now that they can fully comprehend what people are saying. Of course, our fourth child (born when the girls had turned 3) is a boy, so now we get the sympathy for him for having so many extra moms, or the not too original “You finally got your son!” As if that is everyone’s main goal in having children. Now that my girls can understand such comments, I’m very careful to counsel their hearts, as you say. No doubt we’ll continue to get rude/invasive comments as our family continues to grow. It’s a pity how few people look at children as blessings, period, and instead say things that make my mind start justify having them before I stop myself and just let it go.

    We receive every child with great joy and gratitude and thoroughly delight in each one!

  3. Diana says:

    Love this video!!

    You’ve probably already seen this, but just in case – this post dealt with exactly what you spoke about:
    http://www.raisingarrows.net/2016/11/as-long-as-they-are-healthy/

    Thanks for sharing!!
    Diana

    • Diana says:

      One more thing comes to mind, especially regarding setting our expectations on one gender: I was once in an online Christian mommies’ group in which a girl really, really wanted a certain gender of baby, and believed that God had told her she was going to have that gender. When she went to her ultrasound and found out that baby was the gender she did NOT want, she threw a huge internet tantrum, even going so far as to cancel her gender-reveal party because she was so angry over baby’s gender. This is an extreme example of what you’re talking about – we need to counsel our OWN hearts to being willing to accept what God plans for us, rather than setting expectations on health or gender. Love what you had to say on that.

  4. Kami Crawford says:

    Thanks for this, Jess. Its such a real struggle. One of the things I’ve experienced is when people say stuff to me or when I say things to my own heart its an opportunity for me to see what’s really IN my heart. What do I believe or don’t believe? Embracing the reality that I don’t believe what’s in the Bible I think is important and helps me understand why I’m having such a hard time with such and such a comment. When my midwife told me I might be having a girl when I was pregnant with Rainier I lost it emotionally. It actually caught me off guard. I didn’t know I had that much inside of me. It pointed out to me that I needed a lot more healing. And I needed to ask God for a deeper belief in His truths. That females are just as valuable as males. I mean it sounds simplistic but I realized I didn’t believe this! Not very deep anyway. I believed something else more. That I and my girls weren’t as valuable as my husband or my son. I’m so thankful for not knowing the sex of Rainier because it allowed me to wrestle for months with where I was at.
    I like what you said about being joyful if you have a baby with a birth defect. I would also add that there will be a time of grieving that we should allow ourselves because even though you want to be joyful there is a loss that you will feel.

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