The Best Sex You’ll Ever Have

It may sound like a headline from Cosmo, but I know the surefire way for you to have the best sex ever.

This isn’t a list of 20 tips, or 8 spine-tingling things to do. No, this is better because it applies to anyone, anywhere, in any relationship.

The Best SEX You'll Ever Have // jessconnell.com

Here it is:

Have sex the way the Bible describes.
  1. 1 man, 1 woman
  2. Within marriage, only
  3. Forsaking all others
  4. For life
  5. Naked & not ashamed
  6. His body is hers; her body is his
  7. Each serves the other with the other person’s joy as their goal
  8. Neither is deprived, because each is willingly given to the other
  9. Each is treated with dignity and understanding
  10. The husband serves and loves his wife, like Christ loves the church, and gave Himself up for her.
  11. The wife respects her husband, submitting herself to him joyfully.
  12. The marriage bed is set apart and given honor.
  13. Within the biblical boundaries, they are free to delight in one another with safety, joy, and without shame.
  14. He gets to delight in her physical form, visually taking her in, physically being pleasured by her body, and their one-flesh union is cemented deeper with each physical time of connection.
  15. She gets to delight in his physical form, physically being pleasured by his body, finding joy in the secure physical boundaries they share as a couple.

GOD KNOWS BEST. DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE IT?

What God has laid out for us in His Word is for our GOOD.

It leads to the best sex you can possibly have.

When you look to the God of all the universe… the One who made the stars… the One who made our bodies… the One who made our hearts and knows our inmost thoughts, you are moving toward wisdom. The Bible says “fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom.” So when you look at the topic of sex through the lens that GOD IS GOD and that HE is right and His ways are right, you’re starting in the wisest possible frame of mind.

GOD MADE SEX. HE KNOWS WHAT IT’S FOR.

Contrary to what people think, God made sex. Though Satan twists it, God is the One who made it. He knows what it’s for. 

Satan wants the world to develop TASTES for every deviant, twisted, harmful form of sex except for the one form it was intended for. Here are some popular lies of our enemy:

  • Sex outside of marriage is exciting and fun!
  • Sex inside marriage is boring and monotonous.
  • Deviant forms of sex add spice and pizazz.
  • Sex is naughty.
  • Sex is more exciting when there is an edge of danger or pain.
  • The more, the merrier. (The more partners you have, the better you get; the more people involved, the more exciting it is; etc..)

Here’s the truth:

  • Sex, within marriage, is a beautiful act custom-designed by God for our enjoyment.
  • Sex is an act by which God fuses your soul with that of another person.
  • Sex in marriage should be frequent, selfless, and focused on the joy of the other person.
  • Sexual activity (in any form) outside of marriage is wicked and harmful, not just to your body, but to your soul.
  • Within marriage, when enjoyed as God intended, sex is a delightful, safe refuge, full of fun, thrill, and the most secure form of intimate vulnerability.
  • Sex is meant to point to a larger reality of the oneness of Christ & His Bride, the Church.
  • Sex is meant to drive us outside of ourselves, outside of things which are like us, so that we reach out to that which is NOT like us, and choose to give and receive selfless love.
  • God sees it as good when we take deep delight in our desire for our spouse.
  • Sex with one person for a lifetime is designed to get sweeter and more intimate, just as we grow more secure and joyful in our relationship with Christ over a lifetime.

{References: Genesis 2:24-25, 1 Corinthians 7:2-5, Hebrews 13:4, Song of SolomonProverbs 5:15-19, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8, Proverbs 3:271 Corinthians 6:18-20, Ephesians 5:3-5, Colossians 3:5, Ecclesiastes 9:9, Galatians 5:16-24, Proverbs 6:20-33, Romans 1:18-32, 1 John 2:15-17, 1 Peter 2:11, Mark 7:20-23}

FOR THE UNMARRIED:

To you who are unmarried, you may feel like maybe you shouldn’t be reading this. But, I want you to know, these aren’t things I’m ashamed of, or that are wrong for you to know.

I’m sharing this with you out of concern for you. This culture LIES, and its lies about sex are insidious and innumerable. I don’t want you to be caught up in the lies that will lead to the death of your soul.

God’s Word lays out the path to not just the WISEST life, but the most JOYFUL life.

He gives us the guidelines He does because HE MADE SEX. HE KNOWS WHAT IT’S FOR.

Will you trust him?

Will you trust Him above this culture? Above your friends? Above the lust-inducing images all around you that would seduce you to believe lies of the enemy?

This year, my husband and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage, and I’m telling you… when you are married to a godly person and you have sex according to God’s ways, it just gets better and better.

Just like the instruction manual on a car, that tells you which sorts of oil to use, how the engine was built, and what parts are needed for optimal performance, God has built this world to operate according to His principles, and sex really does run best when we follow His instructions.

Submit yourself to His ways and pursue Christ wholeheartedly. He will thrill you with His goodness. You will never have reason to be ashamed. 

FOR THE MARRIED:

I’m tackling the topic of sex this month, so plan to come back and read more to be encouraged in this area. Also, please send me your questions/topic ideas, and I’ll try to work them into future articles.

FOR THE MARRIED, BUT DISAPPOINTED: 

What about when these “ideals” aren’t present?

What about when you’re trying to have sex according to God’s plans, but things go awry?

  • When your husband is addicted to porn and chooses that over you, feeding your shame, despair, and feelings of rejection?
  • When your husband has no physical desire for you, but yours is strong?
  • When your husband has strong physical desires, but you have none? 
  • When your husband has left you, abused you, treated you poorly?
  • When you aren’t married to a believer, and aren’t treated with the love that a believing husband should show to his wife?

We’ll discuss these things in upcoming posts, but I want to encourage you:

even the sinful, painful, wicked, burdensome, heavy, discouraging things of this world WILL BE REDEEMED by our incredible God. Every wrong will be made right. Every wound will be healed by our Great Healer. Every desire of the soul has a place where it can be met.

Look to Him. Trust Him.

 

God’s ways are always wisest and best. We don’t always do things according to His ways, and for that, there is abundant grace. But when we love and rightly fear Him, we will turn away from the things that come natural to our flesh and instead choose to walk by the Spirit. That grace flowing through us is what God uses to turn our lives around, and He can grow us in this area, too. 

He is faithful and having sex according to His guidelines is the path to the best sex you’ll ever have. 

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Jess Connell

Jesus-follower, Happy wife, Mom of 8 neat people. Former world-traveler, now settled in Washington. Host of Mom On Purpose podcast (momonpurpose.com). I write and wrangle kids.

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