How I Use the MBTI to Understand Our Family

 

I just took another Myers-Briggs assessment. Every time I do it, I feel fear that my letters will change, but no… They haven’t changed since college. 🙂

The numbers strongly confirmed: by this measure, I’m still an ENTP.

• E= Extroverted (“extraverted” to the MBTI purist)
• N= Intuition
• T= Thinking
• P= Perceiving

Here’s one description:

Prophet: You are agile, smart, vigilant, straightforward and good at motivating other people. You can mobilize all resources to solve new challenging problems. You know how to find abstract possibilities and analyze them through strategic thinking. You have a strong ability to read people. You are not satisfied with a normal life. You seldom do the same thing repetitively. You always move from one interest to another, quickly.

Not sure that description is absolutely accurate for me, but the letters generally are accurate. One of the things that sets the MBTI apart from other personality inventories is that the results are only seen as accurate if you agree and confirm them. This is not some super-imposed thing like an IQ test that implies, “This is what you are, whether or not you like it or agree.”

Sidenote: even though I consistently come out at about 60% extraversion, the longer I’m a mom of many, and the older they get, the more I feel like and act like an introvert.

WHY I LIKE THE MBTI

I personally really like the MBTI as a baseline measure of understanding people. Of course, we’re all more than “one of 16 categories”– God has made us each unique!– but the MBTI is valuable for a few reasons.

• It’s big & diverse enough to allow us to understand some real and significant differences between people. For example, the Sanguine/Choleric/Melancholy/Phlegmatic breakdown, popular when I was a teen, is (for me) far too simplistic. It forces people into too few boxes that often don’t fit.
• Yet, the MBTI is small & constrained enough to be usable. If humans were to be categorized into 48, or 100, or 256 various personality types, these would be too large a set of options to actually be useful to us. The 16 categories, based on 4 basic, memorable, easily understandable measurements, are simple enough to grasp after only a little bit of familiarity with the system.
• It helps us understand ourselves better.
• It helps us understand others better.
• It helps us understand that our way is not the only “right” way, nor the only “godly” way. There are godly people who see time differently from one another (in Central Asia, for example, time is a very relative thing and “being on time” is not highly valued; that is not because they are wicked, but because they see time differently from a military man in the US). There are godly people who seemingly can’t get enough of being around people, and godly people who need to purposefully retank their energy after being around people.

It’s not an absolute Bible-truth that 100% pegs each individual, but I find the MBTI to be a helpful construct that enables us to analyze and understand other people… what their perspective may be, what’s important to them, and (some of) why they like what they like and do what they do.

Here’s a basic rundown, for the uninitiated:

The MBTI is an assessment based on 4 sliding scales between a pair of letters. Each person can fall at any place along the scale from one end of the spectrum to the other.

Those 4 sliding scales are:

• Extrovert (sometimes written extravert)/ Introvert
• Sensing/Intuitive
• Thinking/Feeling
• Judging/Perceiving

The E/I scale measures where an individual gets energy from– In this indicator, Extraversion means a person gets energized from things/ideas/people outside themselves, while Introversion means that a person is energized from things/ideas/people inside self (ideas/emotions/impressions).

The S/N pair (typically, this is the hardest one of the four to discern) is about how a person gathers and processes data. The Sensing individual uses his/her senses, relying on details, and verifiable input. Attention is given to the details before the big picture. The INtuitive person uses meta-data, intuition, and hunches to gather overarching themes. This person gathers impressions, reads between the lines, and may seek to understand theoretical ideas and themes before giving attention to the nitty-gritty details.

The T/F letter pair (Thinking/Feeling) concerns how we make decisions. A “T” most naturally leans toward basing his/her decisions on logical data, facts, and objective reasons/consequences. An F highly values feelings, values, emotions, and the importance of relationships involved, as he/she makes decisions.

{RABBIT TRAIL: Something interesting about this letter distinction is that it is the only pairing that is directly related to gender. Every other pairing is pretty much evenly split between men and women, but this letter pair is not. Depending on what book or resource you read, anywhere from 66-80% of women are feelers, and 66%-80% of men are thinkers. This gives interesting insights into male-female interactions and the marriage relationship (even if you fall into the minority for your gender, there is something to be learned from these gender norms).}

The J/P scale is how one naturally carries out decisions in the world. The Judging individual prefers organization, lists, plans, and appreciates when things are decisive, firm, routinized, dependable, and predictable. The Perceiving individual likes to leave things open, flexible, malleable, spontaneous, available for changes or additional input as more information is gathered.

Each letter in your “Type” can affect how the other letters show up, but this is a basic listing of each scale. Now that you have a basic intro, if you want to take a test, go here: SimilarMinds is a great resource for Jung/MBTI tests (note: Jung/MBTI refer to the same basic set of 4 sliding-scale measurements to create a 4-letter “Type”).

(Here’s an easy-to-use list of all 16 type descriptions.)

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If you’re interested in learning more, I’ve found these books helpful in growing in my understanding of the MBTI personality types (click each book to learn more):

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

HOW TO USE PERSONALITY TYPES?

Not only is it helpful to be able to analyze why you and others around you (like your husband and kids) do the things you each do, but also, I find that understanding these types helps me understand how to better engage with the people I’m regularly around. For example, in a work or small group setting, or in your extended family circle, it may be helpful to know some of the basic “types” around you as a way of beginning to comprehend where others are coming from and why they approach life the way they do.

ISN’T IT A BIT NAIVE TO THINK THAT EVERYONE IN THE WORLD FALLS INTO 16 CATEGORIES?
Well, there are fence-riders… there are those who fall very close to the middle on one or more scales. But most people do find that their “type” description fits them quite well.

I think it’s important to say outright– The MBTI is merely a tool, not a box we’re trying to cram people into. It can help us understand, but it’s not the authoritative “word” that defines who someone is or ever will be.

MBTI IN OUR MARRIAGE

In our family, remembering that Doug & I are both “Ps” helps me better understand why and how our house (and especially our bedroom) is often messy. We are both rather lax about our physical environment. We both put things in random places. We get sidetracked by ideas and new possibilities and relationships, which causes duty and routines fall the back burner. We like to change things up (and have moved 14 times, besides!), and so household “routines (i.e., always putting one’s wallet/purse in the same place, taking off our shoes in the exact same way and place every time) are very loose and non-routinized for us both.

We also are lax about plans, which means we tend to not make firm arrangements until the last minute (which can sometimes frustrate us or people around us), but it also means that we’re up for more spontaneous plans and relational opportunities that come our way. These things aren’t (in and of themselves) sinful, but could be sinful if they led to neglect or a lack of care for one another, or an inability to carry out our commitments.

Another example: Knowing that my husband is an Introvert helps me to care for him mid-day, or at the end of a day, on Sunday, when (as a Pastor) he’s been talking and interacting and listening and giving out all day in ways that are joyful, and yet, more taxing, for him than they might be for an extrovert. Knowing that I am an extrovert helped him when he was approached by a group of ladies who wanted to take me  out for my birthday. He knew that I would truly enjoy it, and it would not be draining for me, so he secretly made the plans and sent me out the door with a smile on my face to spend a couple hours with friends.

Knowing our basic MBTI types helps us to give grace to one another, and to better care for each other’s needs.

MBTI IN MY MOTHERING

With 7 children, I’m pretty sure…

[let me go through and be certain… right now my best guesses are: ENFJ, ISTP, ISFP, ESFJ, ENFP, IS?J, ????– he’s only 8 months old…:) ]

yup… I have some of each letter. 

In my mothering, the most significant way that MBTI has been useful for me has been in understanding the different needs of Introverts & Extroverts.

It is very easy for an introverted 2-year-old to get “maxed out” by people and feel overwhelmed much more quickly than would happen with an extroverted child. It is very easy, in contrast, for an extroverted child to feel utterly downcast at the thought of leaving people they love (say, while at a friend’s house). Understanding this difference helps me understand when and how to be on the lookout for outbursts, particularly with young children who are still learning self-control.

My Introverted 1, 2, and 3-year-olds LINGER in nap time. Much more so than my extroverts, they *like* to spend extra time in the crib, talking to themselves, enjoying the quiet, staying for sometimes an hour or more (singing, happily talking, and rearranging stuffed animals around them) before calling to me to get them. They actually struggle when I get them too soon, as it forces them back into constant interaction with people too quickly after a leisurely nap. This extra bit of time for quiet is a way I’ve learned that I can actually *bless* my little introverts in a household full of people.

Another example: My J (judging) children like to know the PLAN for the day. They’ll ask, “what will we do after church? And what about after that?” Etc., etc., etc. While I do not believe I answer to my children or owe them lengthy explanations of every plan on the agenda, because I know that they appreciate knowing what’s coming, it helps me understand why they are interested in that information. Understanding this helps me to be more proactive (especially since I am a P) to give them a framework of the general plan through which they can anticipate their next few days/weeks.

As homeschoolers, I also use this to determine how to drive home a lesson if my kids just aren’t understanding a concept. My oldest son (an N– intuitive) needs to talk through big-picture ideas in order to place detailed math/economics concepts in the right spots. He’s constantly taking in details and relating them to other events in history or culture, as that’s what comes most easily for him. My S (S= Sensing) children are completely the opposite: they need the detail-pegs (names/dates/specific events) to be clear and concrete before they can really comprehend the larger themes and big-picture ideas.

JUST A TOOL, NOT AN ABSOLUTE

This MBTI scale is not by any means an infallible guide, nor is it an excuse for sin (on our parts, or on our kids’ parts). But I’ve found that by understanding these dynamics in our home and relationships, I am better equipped to help care for each member of our family. By putting language to some of the differences in perspective that exist between individuals, the MBTI helps me to be a better lover of my family, teacher of my children, and peacemaker amidst all the relational dynamics that happen between the 9 family members co-existing under our one roof.

This is some of how I use the MBTI to understand our family.

IN THE COMMENTS, PLEASE SHARE:

• Have you taken the MBTI?

• Have you ever used it to analyze your kids’ types, or to help them understand one another? If so, how?