He’s NOT a “Better Mom” Than You!

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It’s a popular thing to say.

It sounds self-deprecating and humble and cutesy and modern.

“He’s a better mom than I am.”

Sometimes it’s accompanied by an explanation, like “my husband:

  • is more organized
  • makes Bento-box lunches
  • plays in the floor with them
  • is less neurotic about cleanliness
  • cleans better
  • is more fun
  • knows more about kids
  • (or whatever)

… than me.

But let me tell you one thing: It’s not true.

I can say that with absolute certainty even though I’ve never met your husband, and don’t know a single thing about either one of you.

He’s NOT a better mom than you are.

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Christian woman, YOU are the God-designed BEST MOM for your kids.

Out of all the women in all the world, all the children in all the world, and all the time periods you could have lived in, He put you here. In this time and place. With these people. So that you might all find your way to Him. Don’t believe me? Read it:

And he made from one man every nation of mankind to live on all the face of the earth, having determined allotted periods and the boundaries of their dwelling place, that they should seek God, and perhaps feel their way toward him and find him. ~Acts 17:26-27

God didn’t make a mistake. He custom-designed you as a mom for YOUR family, and for YOUR kids. (And read those last two phrases in Acts– it’s with a GREAT end in mind: that they might find HIM!)

Note: this doesn’t mean that you have to be the one to do the cultural roles America has historically assigned to women… but it DOES mean that you are the mom, and God did it that way on purpose.

According to Scripture, moms:

  • are to be revered (Lev 19:3)
  • are the knitting-together place for their children (Psa 139:13)
  • teach (Prov 6:20)
  • are sorrowful when their children are foolish (Prov 10:1)
  • are shamed by an undisciplined child (Prov 29:15)
  • are well-rested with a disciplined child (Prov 29:17)
  • teach kindness (Prov 31:26)
  • offer comfort (Isa 66:13)
  • are the ones who bear children (Jer 30:6)
  • are gentle with the littlest ones (1 Thess 2:7)
  • nurse and care for their own children (1 Thess 2:7)
  • need to be trained by older women to affectionately love their children (Titus 2:4)

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DOES YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF WOMANHOOD NEED TO CHANGE?

Christian mother, if, by saying, “he’s a better mom than I am,” you mean that he does things that our modern-American culture ascribes to mothers (i.e., he’s good at cooking, or he’s organized and gets the kids to soccer practice on time), then you can let the phrase go because that’s judging the whole enchilada based on cultural rather than biblical standards about motherhood.

Abraham cooked dinner for his guests. The artisans of the OT temple were male. Joseph wore a fancy coat and was skilled at organizing big projects.

Some of your understanding– and my understanding– of womanhood has come from culture, NOT Bible, and now’s as good a time as any to sort through that. As you read through the Bible for this next season, take note of all the things men did… and all the things women did… and let those things color the way that you see manhood and womanhood.

Biblical manhood does not mean Arnold Schwarzeneggar and biblical womanhood does not mean Jane Austen.

Just because you like to mow the lawn, or because your husband has a better eye for color, does NOT mean you are not operating biblically as a woman and a man. Where Scripture outlines a difference (like in headship, leadership in the church, and how we dress), we can delight in that difference, knowing it is God’s design and for the best. But where Scripture makes no such distinction, let’s not act like our cultural pink/blue norms are the standard of what is manly or womanly.

Let’s be a generation that is careful and mindful of what Scripture says about manhood and womanhood.

DOES YOUR USE OF LANGUAGE NEED TO CHANGE?

If by saying this, you mean this about your husband: “he’s really great–” then just say so.

Especially in this gender-confused era, we should strive to use words with precision. Our words involving gender should reflect an understanding of the world that lines up with God’s good design. He’ll never be a better mom than you.

DOES SOMETHING ELSE NEED TO CHANGE?

But Christian mother, if, by saying, “he’s a better mom than I am,” you mean that you don’t offer comfort to your children, or you don’t work at becoming patient and gentle so that you can teach and discipline your children faithfully, or that you would rather do things that come easy and natural to you rather than learning to affectionately love and care for your own children, then that is bucking God’s good plans.

  • If you are impatient with your kids, confess it. Pay attention to your short fuse, pray and ask for God’s help, and work to grow in that area.
  • If you lack kindness, or gentleness, ask for the Spirit to give you that fruit… and seek to walk in the Spirit at times when you are tempted to walk in the flesh.
  • If you are tempted to let the kids run to dad because you don’t want the hassle, confess that to the Lord and ask Him to help you embrace this BIG, life-altering, wonderfully-chaotic, energy-demanding job of motherhood.

Whatever the case, whether you work at it or not, your husband will never be a better mom than you. There’s a reason God makes children through the biological input of one woman and one man. He means for children to be formed and influenced by each… and YOU are the mom God has given to your children.

If you are a Christian mother, you should seek to adapt yourself to the biblical model for motherhood. This does not mean “become June Cleaver” or “Ma Ingalls.” But it does mean that you need to look to Scripture and what it says about moms– our role as lovers, disciplinarians, teachers, nurturers, comforters– and work to embrace it in our lives.

Comments like “he’s a better mom than I am” are really cop-outs.

And that’s not who we are.

As Christians, we’re people who embrace the jobs God gives us, whether they come naturally or not.

Mama, God will help you! You CAN grow. With His help, and His Word, unlike your husband, you can become a better mom than you are today.

 

IN THE COMMENTS, consider with me: 

How do you combat adopting cultural language like this in the way you talk about motherhood, your family, or your life?

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Jess Connell

Jesus-follower, Happy wife, Mom of 8 neat people. Former world-traveler, now settled in Washington. Host of Mom On Purpose podcast (momonpurpose.com). I write and wrangle kids.

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1 Response

  1. Kb says:

    Great post! I really appreciate how real you are and that you always touch on real life situations! Unfortunately I could raise my hand to all three bullet points you listed under “Does something need to change?” Some days I feel like I will never conquer them! (4 kids ages 17 mo to 11 years). Would you ever consider doing a post on Titus 2:4? I don’t naturally have a mothering personality so some days are a struggle for me! I love my kids and am blessed to have them!!. It just feels like I have to really trudge through the day some days!

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