Fading Beauty, Mom Jeans, & the Realities of Marriage

Fading Beauty, Mom Jeans, and the Realities of Marriage // jessconnell.com

On a post last year about the growing expectations on young woman to look physically perfect (and increasingly generic), a commenter wrote:

Quick thought from a guy –

Know what really hurts? When a girl spends a mountain of care and attention trying to win over exciting but unsaved “bad boys”, but then discovers the comfort of no-makeup and mom-jeans when she decides to “settle” for goodguy hubby.

Sorry, I insist on getting her best efforts too. I will not have my wife have primped and preened in college for other men, only to get the “used station-wagon” version of her appearance later. …I will not be given her half-hearted efforts, conveniently re-purposed as “natural beauty”. I do NOT insist on marrying a raving beauty. I DO insist on her making the most of what she has.

My first thought was, “Man, this guy sounds bitter!” 

That said, even with the overarching tone of bitterness, he made some points worth consideration. I’d like to propose that we set aside the acidic nature of the tone and use his ideas as jumping off places for provoking thought in us, as Christian women (some of whom are wives, and others of whom may one day be a wife).

  • A girl spends a mountain of care and attention trying to win over exciting but unsaved “bad boys”, but then discovers the comfort of no-makeup and mom-jeans when she decides to “settle” for goodguy hubby.” 

True or false, ladies?

I’d say, there can be truth in this. I have seen this play out, some; it does happen.

One significant thing I see is that this girl has committed false advertising. It seems that she’s viewed her beauty and physical form as something merely given to her to *catch* a man, and not as something given to her, for her to steward well through every stage of life. Truthfully, too, this is a girl (and guy) whose ideas about beauty have been shaped by the world.

So what’s the truth about beauty? How can we counter the wrong beauty-focused idea the commenter presents, but also counter the opposite extreme that the outside doesn’t matter at all? Let’s see if we can find balance in the middle.

  1. Beauty has been inherently a part of womanhood since creation. Though I don’t speak Hebrew, my understanding is that Adam’s reaction to seeing Eve was a guttural equivalent of “WHOA!” As women, God has made our physical form attractive. In Song of Solomon, we see how beauty of the physical form is an integral part of the joy and intimacy that exists between a husband and wife. Beauty itself is not sinful or worldly.
  2. Beauty is not just about ourselves. It reflects God’s creativity in making beautiful things. Also, because, when we marry, our bodies each belong to the other, Christians are not people with a battle cry of “my body, my rights!” 
  3. Beauty is something commented on in Scripture, sometimes positively… (like in Song of Solomon)
  4. …sometimes negatively… (the seductive woman in Proverbs, the idea that “beauty is vain“)
  5. … and sometimes as a factual statement… (RachelEsther/Hadassah, Abraham’s wife Sarai, Queen Vashti, Abishag the Shunnamite, David’s daughter Tamar)
  6. …but ultimately with caveats. 

BIBLICAL CAVEATS ABOUT BEAUTY

As Christ-following women, while there is nothing sinful or worldly about outward beauty, outward beauty should not be the focus of our efforts, nor should it be the most beautiful thing about us:

  • INWARD TRUMPS OUTWARD BEAUTY. “Your beauty should not consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothes. Instead, it should consist of what is inside the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very valuable in God’s eyes.” 1 Peter 3:3-4
  • LIPS AND FEET THAT BRING THE JOY & PEACE OF THE GOSPEL ARE BEAUTIFUL. “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him who brings good news, who publishes peace, who brings good news of happiness, who publishes salvation, who says to Zion, “Your God reigns.” Isaiah 52:7
  • THE THINGS WE DO FOR OTHERS, AND THE WAY WE LOVE AND SERVE OTHERS WITH OUR PHYSICAL FORM, MATTER MORE THAN THE APPEARANCE OF OUR PHYSICAL FORM. “Women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness—with good works.” 1 Timothy 2:9-10

Fading Beauty, Mom Jeans, and the Realities of Marriage // jessconnell.comPut simply, instead of:

  • elaborate hairstyles
  • wearing expensive jewelry
  • wearing fancy clothes

God wants us to focus on:

  • what is inside our heart
  • the things that don’t fade, like a gentle and quiet spirit
  • sharing the liberation of the Gospel
  • affirming the truth about God’s power
  • respectable attire
  • being self-controlled
  • proper behavior for a godly woman
  • good works done for Christ

BEAUTY IN MARRIAGE

So then, with our cultural focus on the beauty of youth, do women tend to “let themselves go” once they’ve actually entered into marriage? Sometimes, it can appear so, right? I mean, let’s be honest. Sometimes it looks that way.

But there are unquestionably valid reasons for some of it–

  • Body changes come with pregnancy and breastfeeding. The nausea, hormones, and exhaustion often overwhelm, not to mention that new things happening to your body sometimes leave you uncertain and insecure about your appearance. And with this I don’t only mean the way your body gets bigger, although it does. It also changes shape. Clothes that used to fit don’t fit the same, even if you do get back to the same weight and size. Your body is not the same. As a postpartum woman, your hair may fall out in clumps up around your temples. The quality of your teeth and your glasses’ prescription may decline. Our tummies and breasts go through sometimes-shocking changes in size and shape.  These changes aren’t imaginary or insignificant. A woman’s body goes through profound changes each time she gets pregnant.
  • Metabolism slows down. The older we get, the less calories we can eat and not gain weight. But then, sometimes that is happening right alongside things like pregnancy, breastfeeding, and chasing toddlers… when we’re extra hungry from using up MORE calories. These are legitimate challenges. Sometimes these things also happen in a tight budget where there’s not extra money to spend on weight loss, fitness, the right sorts of foods, etc.
  • New baby often means a tighter budget. Just about the time you need to buy new clothes because your body is totally different than it’s ever been before, you have a new little baby to provide for that makes the budget tighter. And the ever-changing rules of fashion mean that even if you DO manage to one day fit back in your old jeans, they may no longer be in style. The standard of what’s “beautiful” can change drastically in a matter of a few years’ time.
  • Time shrinks with the more things you add to your plate. When you’re chasing kids all day, cooking and doing laundry, or at the office and coming home to care for your family, the number of minutes you have available to focus on your appearance is smaller than at any other time in your life (when single, or married pre-kids, or after the empty nest). Cooking two separate meals (one for the fam, one for weight-loss-focused mom) is a near-impossibility, and taking time away to workout may not be an option.
  • We do, in truth, get older… and that affects how we look. In a culture where older women are praised for being “cougars” and looking 20 when they are 55, it can be difficult as a Christian woman to rightly determine: what’s age-appropriate? How can I still look attractive at 26, 32, 35, 41 years old, but not seem like I’m trying to be 17 and also not look like I’m 62? What amount of effort is right? With the effects of gravity and time, we have legitimate challenges, especially in this youth-idolizing culture.

I can identify, well, with all of these things.

I’m currently 4 months postpartum after baby #7. I am intimately acquainted with each of these reasons why maintaining beauty (or feeling beautiful in any way, shape, or form) may be a struggle.

But then, in addition to the reasons above, if we look at this issue with honesty, there are some other perhaps not-so-valid reasons for our tendency to let things go:

  • Mom’s identity becomes so intertwined with mothering that she forgets about the wife part.
  • If her husband stops noticing, complimenting, and pursuing her as she goes through her “tough spots” (i.e., pregnancy & postpartum months), she may stop trying to win his affection and approval. Perhaps it feels too risky and too potentially painful to even “try” when you already feel rejected and unattractive.
  • Mom feels so exhausted or overwhelmed by her new role as mom she can have a “why bother?” approach to personal hygiene and appearance, as it takes a back-burner to all the other things she’s learning
  • And perhaps others, too.

 

What say you?
  • Have you experienced a decline or difference in your pursuit of physical appearance? What difficulties have you faced in this area? A change in sizes? A change in roles?
  • Attitude aside, do you see validity in the guy’s comments who feels cheated when his wife puts forth little to no effort?
  • Do you think there’s value in regularly “painting the barn?”

(Yes, that’s a phrase I’ve heard more than one Texas pastor use, about keeping up the personal appearance, and I think it’s a funny way to communicate this basic idea… keeping things up, even if they’re aging a little.)

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Jess Connell

Jesus-follower, Happy wife, Mom of 8 neat people. Former world-traveler, now settled in Washington. Host of Mom On Purpose podcast (momonpurpose.com). I write and wrangle kids.

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24 Responses

  1. Allison says:

    This is definitely something that I can relate to. My husband actually likes it when I don’t wear make-up (I’m not sure why that is because I have rosacea, and without makeup, people often assume I’m sunburned), but I’m sure he’d love it if I were even more physically attractive in the way I dress. I don’t set out to be frumpy or anything. And I certainly don’t feel that Christian women shouldn’t look beautiful, it’s just that I don’t feel that I have the time to spend on shopping, plus I usually feel wasteful when I spend much money on my own clothes. We have 3 kids who out-grow their clothes and shoes, and he often needs new clothes since he works in an office environment, (I work part-time as well, but I’m a nurse, so I just wear scrubs, which are about the easiest wardrobe in the world to take care of!) but spending money on clothes for myself just always feels like an “extra” nicety that is one of the easier things to put off until the theoretical, “next time.” Add that on top of the fact that honestly, I have just about no fashion sense whatsoever to begin with (I can’t decorate either…I just can’t seem to visualize what looks good together), and this area is a real struggle for me. I’ve often mused that if I could just wear exercise clothes and scrubs for the rest of my life, I’d be a happy woman! Shopping is so stressful!

    • Jess Connell says:

      Allison, I am not at all an expert.. AT ALL… but I just wanted to say, I did learn a LOT by watching old episodes of “What Not To Wear.” (I watched it on and off for years.) The more I watched it the more I picked up on principles of how to choose shapes, colors, and what is flattering and what is not. Over time, I grew in my ability to put things together. I still don’t always *do* it, and I’m no fashionista, but I do know a lot more and feel a lot more comfortable choosing things and at least *trying* than I used to.

      As far as expense, I am *SUCH* a thrift store girl so I’m with you on that. I love finding bargains, but it does make it more tricky. Anyway, I can identify with your struggles.

  2. Jessica says:

    This is an interesting topic. I feel all the points you made. For sure. I have health challenges that make it out of the question to do aerobics and I have very limited energy. I will say my husband has a unique view on this he encourages me to NOT feel like I need to put on make up. When I come out with some conservative make up on even if he notices he will give me a hard time because he thinks it’s silly. He also says he doesn’t notice what I wear. But I don’t believe him on this point because I can tell he does notice to at least some degree. I just do my best to eat healthy, SMILE, and I wear a minimal amount of under eye concealer, lip loss and sometimes a little eye liner or mascara because it makes me feel beautiful. I think that smiling is the one thing that DOES make us way more beautiful to our husbands. I think most wives really do want to look their best for their husbands. For me I struggled with wanting his approval and feeling bad that I don’t look like someone else. God’s convicted me to not judge internally what my husband thinks of me or other women and just leave that between him and God and focus on keeping my heart. It means way more peace in my heart and a smile on my face.

  3. Erin says:

    Ok, so I turned 36 a few months ago and I am 50 pounds overweight (thanks to a bout with hypothyroid and subsequent thyroid removal a few years ago). For the past few years I decided I would just look like plain me – no make up, regular ponytails, jeans and t-shirts. And while my husband prefers a more natural beauty, I know he does not prefer slop. When I turned 36 something happened and I realized that I could look my natural worst every day or my natural best every day. My best is not full make up and a difficult hair style! My best is a shower, brushed and flat ironed hair, and a tinted face moisturizer (occasionally mascara). (Including time in the shower this takes less than 1 hour.) Jeans and t-shirts are still my go-to for every day but even jeans and t-shirts can fit and flatter. And guess what happened…I feel better about myself. I feel more confident when I go to the grocery store and don’t have to put up the defense in my mind of “take it or leave it, this is the natural me,” my husband notices my (small) efforts and is appreciative, I even feel younger. I felt at least 10 years older than I am when I didn’t try at all.

    • Jess Connell says:

      I love this idea– natural worst v natural best. That is EXACTLY what I want to communicate here. Not fakery or a fresh from the beauty-shop sort of look– but looking like the sloppiest or the best version of our natural everyday selves.

      Thanks for putting that into words so perfectly.

    • Emily Jensen says:

      I agree – great way to put it – I like thinking about my ‘natural best’!

  4. Tawny says:

    I find this topic interesting and one that wasn’t discussed much growing up nor do I hear much about now (though I can recall a few comments growing up that made a lasting impression).

    I am 34 and three years into marriage. I was always somewhat less fashionable and never into fads, but still tried to be attractive and not sloppy. Makeup never occurred every single day for me but many days…or maybe just minimally to feel better about how I looked or to make myself a little more attractive.

    When I first was dating my husband and newly married I made much more effort at putting on full facial makeup, but HE always insisted I was beautiful with or without makeup and truly sometimes my ability to more quickly get out the door and be on time rather than spend so much time in front of the mirror seemed more important to him. Most days I try to at least put on eye makeup to feel more pretty and to put forth effort for him, though he really hardly seems to mind either way (though I know he appreciates the effort).

    I go day by day, doing what I can. I try to at least put on nicer clothes and a little makeup and perfume and tidy up my hair by the time he comes home from work. Nothing is nicer than after a long 12-hour day at work to come home to someone smiling and clean and who has made an effort to look beautiful JUST FOR HIM. He has expressed many a time how much he appreciates it and how it makes him feel loved. But on the other hand he also tells me just as much how beautiful I am even without makeup when a day is busy and the chores are grubby ones.

    We both give each other a lot of slack and leeway because our lifestyle includes farming and truly many things we do are very dirty and we don’t want to put on our best clothes for filthy chores and ruin them. But we try to dress nicely (which is still very casual) afterward and when going to town or work.

    For us, my efforts have also resulted in him wanting to put in more effort to look good for me, which then makes me feel very loved too. People don’t tend to talk about the reverse either…the husband looking good FOR his wife. It really goes both ways and shows love and respect for each other.

    His appreciation of my efforts and mine for his show me how it does hold importance even though it is not the main focus.

    My mother, who I am very similar to, has recounted several times of the day she asked her sister-in-law why she still put on makeup even though she was already married to her brother, and my aunt’s reply to her was, “Well, I caught Jim, but I still want to keep him, don’t I?”

    I appreciate your very godly and balanced approach to this topic. I believe it is just as you said…your inner beauty should be more of the main focus, but the outer also has its importance as it shows little love and respect for the spouse to suddenly become sloppy and frumpy as your main habit.

  5. Kondwani says:

    I think this does raise a point. We can spend more time trying to look good for people we don’t really know or care about (if we work outside the home, or when going to a social function or something) but not make the effort for the one person who we really do know, love and care about.

    I don’t think it necessarily needs much time or expense, but maybe a couple of things that fit well and a quick hairstyle that works every time. (I spend about 3 minute getting ready, but might stretch that to 20 minutes if I wanted a bit of make up). Many of my clothes are 15 or 20 years old (I haven’t changed size, but there are some which I feel too old to wear now!)

  6. Sadie VK says:

    This is something I really struggle with. I’ve read in many marriage books that we should “pretty ourselves up” (my words) for our husbands before they get home from a long day. It seems so fake to me. If I can’t be myself with my husband, who can I be myself with? I hate the idea of my daughters seeing me in jeans, t-shirt, and a ponytail all day, then rushing to “get beautiful” before Daddy gets home – like I’m not good enough for him unless I have make-up on.

    I’m not looking for license to be a slob. I try to shower most days, wear clothes that fit, at least do something with my hair. But I balk at the idea of “doing myself up” for my husband.

    It should be noted, however, that I’ve never been a “pretty-girl.” I never wore make up or did anything fancy with my hair or clothes when we were dating. He knew this is how I was from the start. Haha.

  7. abby says:

    Some of my friends and I joke about our “mom-iform” … if we’re supposed to treat being stay-home moms like a job, we should have a uniform, right? Comfortable jeans, a shirt that fits and flatters, makeup, comfortable and fashionable shoes, etc. … Even when money is tight, you always find a way to make sure your husband is appropriately dressed for work, so why do we not find a way to make sure we are appropriately dressed for our “job”?

    This seems silly, but I found a huge help in buying a second set of makeup so I could have some upstairs and some downstairs. My husband works 14 hour days right now and I just can’t use my 1 hour of “me-time” on a shower and primping. I have to do that when he’s gone. So now whenever my baby is happily playing, whether it’s in between loads of laundry downstairs, or looking at her books upstairs, I can grab a few minutes to put on makeup and do my hair — which are now happening 6/7 days, and only happened 2/7 before I did this.

  8. Emily Jensen says:

    Important topic for discussion! As a girly-girl who enjoys nice clothes, makeup and complex hairstyles, I remember vowing as a young woman to NEVER ‘let myself go’ and ‘look like a mom’. Yet here I am 3+ kids later, and most days…I look like ‘a mom’. I wear ponytails, I don’t always shower, and I wear really simple / comfortable clothes. At times I’ve battled at an identity level over this, because I used to take wrongful pride in my appearance. I’m learning to find godly balance in being a good steward of beauty (I love how you put that, Jess!) and not putting too much emphasis on the way I look outside.

    Here are some of the things that I’ve noticed in my marriage when it comes to physical attraction:
    – My husband really values my responsiveness and interest in physical intimacy. Even in some of my least physically attractive states (really pregnant / early postpartum), I feel like he is still into my body when I’m confident and in the mood!
    – My husband also really values it when he sees me making effort and being self-disciplined (being clean / showered, having on reasonable clothes, choosing to live an active lifestyle, saying ‘no’ to the extra brownie)
    So I try to focus on those two areas even more than my wardrobe / hair and makeup!

    And for me, here are some things I’ve noticed:
    – I am more ‘in the mood’ and ready to be responsive to my husband when I’m showered and pulled together (even if that’s really basic according to worldly standards)
    – I am a more diligent worker and a better caregiver to my family when I put time / effort into looking and feeling my ‘natural best’!

    For those reasons, I find myself wanting to make my physical appearance a bigger priority and not just blow it off. Because it helps me be more intimate in my marriage and more energized to do good work for the Kingdom. Some of that process is finding a ‘momiform’ (as Abby puts it so well) that works – giving me nice clothes and hair that are practical for my season of life.

    Thanks for tackling this subject, Jess!

    • Jess Connell says:

      Great thoughts about identity and pride, Emily. God does such different things in all of us through these changes of life.

      I agree with your observations about what “dressing for the day” does in my heart. It’s something I’ve started doing nearly every day and have noticed a real difference in my productivity and just general approach to life.

      It was time to get out of the postpartum slacker mode. :)

  9. Laura says:

    My husband and I are both very laid-back when it comes to appearance. Neither of us is high-maintenance. I do see the value in trying to look my best and I do try but for me that just means a skim of mascara and under eye concealer. Maybe dangly earrings and a prettier top. I’ve always been fairly comfortable in how I look and feel if people don’t like my appearance, it’s their problem not mine. I often ask my husband what he thinks about what I’m wearing but he for the most part just lets me do my thing. He has certain opinions, like he prefers if I wear a skirt, not pants, to church and in that vein, he doesn’t like me wearing huge earrings to church either. And he’s not keen on me becoming skirts-only. The only other thing he regularly comments on is how cute he thinks I am in my yoga pants/leggings that I put on at the end of the day to lounge around in after supper. I can’t imagine why he enjoys them 😉

    Not sure where I am going with this ramble lol. I’ve just been thinking about your post all day and wanted to add my voice to the mix. :)

    I guess if I’m trying to say anything, it’s that every husband is going to be different in what he finds attractive. I’ve always been a huge proponent of heeding one’s own husband in matters like this. So I think each woman is going to have a different view of what she (and her husband) considers to be put-together. What one woman would find frumpy, another might find dressed up and vice versa. I know women who are skirts-only and their husbands think they look just fine, but if I were to adopt their style, my husband would not find it attractive at all. He prefers me in pants. So yes, I do think there is value in ‘painting the barn’ but that painting is going to look different on everyone.

    • Jess Connell says:

      “every husband is going to be different in what he finds attractive. I’ve always been a huge proponent of heeding one’s own husband in matters like this. So I think each woman is going to have a different view of what she (and her husband) considers to be put-together.”

      Absolutely! Great thoughts, Laura, thanks for chiming in. Lots of good nuggets there in your comment, but my favorite was this:

      “there is value in ‘painting the barn’ but that painting is going to look different on everyone.”

      Yes, yes, yes! Thanks!

  10. How interesting! I believe the man has a valid point. I heard a pastor one time who had done a survey of what men thought was most important to them about their wives. Number one was sex. Number two was “an attractive wife.” I was shocked! Why was that important? The second most important thing about one’s wife?!!! It has to do with his perception of himself as a man. Does she comb her hair for him? Does she try to look nice for him? Does she try to please him with how she looks–his preferences of make-up, hair, dress? I’ve been married 37 years and still try to look as nice as I can at home. No, I’m not a beauty and I’m no longer young, but I believe it’s important. My husband wants me to look nice. Loved your post!

  11. katy says:

    When I read his comment, I thought, “I’m glad he’s not my husband!” I have loved my husband since I was 17 (I am 32) and from our first date, I have never worn make up, jewelry, a dress or even worn my hair down except on special occasions. So I’ve never put up a front or tried to be someone I’m not. However, he has told me before to wear makeup and jewelry and shave my legs (I was doing a wedding show with him (he’s a photographer) and meeting clients) and I was not put off in the least bit so I guess it depends on who it is coming from/what tone is taken.

  12. Rachel says:

    Another point is one my sister learned. After many years of being a hairdresser where dressing up was expected, she got rather sloppy once she was a stay at home mom. Her husband felt that if people saw her, they would think that he wasn’t treating her very nice, and that her appearance was a reflection on him. Since then, she and I have tried to make sure what people see is someone our husband can always be proud to call his wife, whether at home when the bug guy comes by, or out and about. This means smiling, neat, with clean well-fitted clothes, hair tidy, etc.; not necessarily makeup, jewelry and heels. It takes just as long to put on nice pants as it does sweats. And I only shop at thrift stores, so it can be done very cheap. The yoga pants everywhere are what irritates me. Hello, they’re meant for exercise. The rest of us don’t want to see your butt jiggle all over.

  13. Evie says:

    Ha, yes I second the comment about being glad I am not married to that guy. All of the “INSISTING”! , goodness gracious :)

    Anywho, I keep coming back to this post because this is an issue that has been haunting me since becoming a mom. I always said I’d “NEVER” let the hygiene and appearance slack if I were to be a mother at home. Before I was married I’d look at other moms at the store and think they looked a little sloppy and wondered if they realized? Surely they couldn’t be that busy or tired. Five years later I now have a 3-yr-old and a baby… and I AM that mom, and I totally understand! I agree with what you said, Jess, about losing the weight yet clothes not fitting the same way. I have the opposite problem than most women — all of the baby weight comes off and while nursing, plus I lose even more to the point that I look unhealthy. The skin on my face is drawn in and I have dark circles (thanks to erratic sleep). Even though I feel I’m eating okay, breastfeeding is just big metabolic demand on my body for some reason. (I’ve asked doctors and they just kind of shrug). I was thin to begin with, and gained a normal weight (40 lbs), but lost it all and then some, so my clothes are loose and unflattering. My pants sag because I don’t have much fat on my body, and I get a lot of comments in public about “needing to eat more”. I also lost a lot of my hair postpartum and ended up cutting it, because it was so fine and wispy. I got the stretch marks and the loose skin, etc. All of these things aren’t within my control, so thank you for pointing out that they are valid reasons for looks to change.

    But, I do feel like a shell of my former self. I definitely did try harder before I had kids, but I also only had myself to look out for. I worked full time and had the routine of getting up and getting dressed, doing hair & makeup without someone whining for breakfast, or a baby to feed, or a diaper to change. Everyone else’s needs just seem more urgent, and I’m just so tired. I see photos of myself before I had children (even just 5 years ago when I got married) and I look healthy and youthful. Now I look overall like I’ve “put some mileage on”. When I go to the store with the kids, I’m so frazzled… I’m the stereotype with the ponytail halfway falling out, the lounge pants, and the shirt with crust on it, and that exhausted, beat-up look on he face. Plus, yesterday’s makeup that I slept in. (or was it from 3 days ago?) When I try to get ready/dressed to go out and the kids are playing in my room next to me, one of them ends up getting hurt or bleeding or trying to put a foreign object in their mouth, etc… so it’s difficult at times, having to stop what I’m doing to constantly referee. (does that make sense?)

    You said, “Mom feels so exhausted or overwhelmed by her new role as mom she can have a “why bother?” approach to personal hygiene and appearance” and noted this is a not-so-valid reason, but I’m not sure how to get past this. I’ve been a mom for 3 years and I still feel incredibly overwhelmed, and our days are chaotic at times, just running around putting out fires. I think I’m going to be in survival mode/trenches until my kids aren’t babies., which could span another 5 years if we keep having more.

    My baby gets up around 6 am, so I’m not leaping for joy at the thought of getting up even earlier to get myself ready for the day. And as far as putting on makeup, it does feel a little bit of a “waste” when I don’t get out a lot, or see anyone. I used to tell myself “do it for your husband’s sake”, but even that motivation has worn off. I feel like the best time to get ready for the day is in the morning before the kids get up, but I’m usually so tired from a late night feeding and an early waking baby that I hit the ground running (and end up in lounge clothes all day, or whatever I slept in the night before.. YIKES!).

    Sometimes I do have the time to get myself dressed & put together, usually Sunday mornings before church. I feel so much perkier, and actually feel LESS tired, because I know I don’t LOOK as tired.

    So, I’m not sure if I had a question, but I’m just validating that guy’s point …!! And giving my own examples & reasons behind how this shift occurred in my own life.

  14. Lauretta Wheaton says:

    @Evie. I had the same problem. Part of my problem turned out to be depression. Tbe other… i am not, and will probably never be a morning person.!! 😂 After we had kids, showering in the morning was impossible. Our first would get up at 5:30am. This is when i started showering in the evening. Hubby was home and i could have a nice long shower or bath. My hair would just go up in a quick pony tail in the morning, but it was clean. I never really wore make up, but have found that age and rosacea (im 41) are having a defenite effect on my face…😉. A bit of concealer around the eyes help. I feel better and it takes 30 sec. Even now… (my early riser is 12…) i shower in the evening. It’s way more relaxing and i don’t worry about the kids, getting to worrk, hogging the bathroom(one shower household) etc. It’s def. Way harder when the kids are young.

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